it was dissapointing. yesterday. i wanted so much of the day. all turned sour. i couldn't understand why. my high hopes always fail me. no one did it unto me. i did unto myself. i think.

i feel something new now. when i'm with her. i feel happy. comfort. softness. at the same time. jealousy. worry. heavy down at my heart. have i gotten feelings for another already. no idea. it hurts. i wanna tell her. but i'm afraid. i've tried enough in 2006. and failed just as many. i just wanna let things stand. but i can't. everyday i think of it. it hits me down just as hard. i'm tired. things are slowly getting intense everywhere. i don't want to be pulled down so much because of this. i'm lost.

i took it all out on training. i held on to the gastric pain in my abdomen. i felt it throughout. the acid. the burn. i didn't care. i wouldn't mind if things ended. would i. i performed well. maybe becuz i was driven. driven by jealousy. hate. anger. it worked out. but i paid the price. i puked. when the night ended. it was a good sign. i'm improving. sad. suffering all the way home. i just beared with it. tried slumping into bed. more things worried me. i thought. just when things aren't better.